For my son, when he grows up, this site will be my legacy for him. The decisions his mother and I made for him, to understand them, to learn from them and to lead a life without prejudice and to succeed in it on his own merit.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

20 ways to survive and stay alive in Malaysia

1. Do not cross the zebra crossing even when it’s green. Vehicles here are colour blind, and the only colour they obey is blue. Not green, not amber, not red, but blue (policemen).

2. Do not talk on your mobile when walking along the street. The open signal attracts other undesirable frequencies (snatch thieves).

3. Do walk on the street. The pavement is meant for motorcycles.

4. Better to park your car illegally and nearer than to park in a legally dimly lighted (usually) lot.

5. Be prepared to feed 2 hours of parking fee for a 1 hour visit to any government department.

6. Plan ahead and start whatever process for any government applications. Like minimum 5 years in advance.

7. New house comes standard with defects and delayed. Always have lawyers readied because developers do.

8. Make sure you’re heavily insured and well protected before boarding any public transportation.

9. Learn as many languages as you can. Policies of language use changes every 10 years.

10. When caught, you can always pay on the spot for traffic offences. Just make sure you have small notes. And don’t expect any receipt, If you do, then you have to pay even more.

11. Make sure you know important people before starting business. It’s not what you know.

12. Don’t bother reading any fine print in contract. There isn’t any. Rules are made up as you go along.

13. Smile, always smile, if you want to be served faster at government counters even if they don’t. And don’t forget to call them “datuk” or “datin” even if they’re not.

14. If you’re in an unfortunate dent and bent motor accident, always settle there and then. Making a report will make you the guilty party no matter how right you are.

15. When buying anything from pasar malam, always shout “too much” even when you know it’s not.

16. You can drink first then drive. Just don’t drink and drive at the same time.

17. User friendly in any amenities means money friendly. Meaning you got to pay for it.

18. Gabbage collectors come on festive holidays. Leave your rubbish outside and stay away from your house.

19. Public services don’t solve your problems. They tell you on and on what the problems are.

20. And finally, don’t blog if you cannot say anything defaming.